Here I am, trying to get back to this. Trying to get anything out of my head and amongst others. It's frustrating. I go through these bursts where my brain works- where I can think clearly enough to generate ideas- and I try to get as much thinking done as I possibly can. Then I burn out again, snuffed out like a candle. I’m beginning to believe this is post exertion malaise, like I get when I physically out-do myself and end up exhausted, sick, and miserable until I've rested enough again. But I've learned how to pace myself physically, how to recognize my limits and, for the most part, respect them. I have not figured this out for my cognition. And I really need to. I need to find my limits, how to pace my thoughts and my excitement, I just don't really know how.
I have noticed recently that with prompting, I can tap into things I wouldn't easily be able to spontaneously think about. I can answer questions on Reddit or Facebook or in person easily - as long as I don't think *too* much, don't think about my thinking. But if I start to *try* too hard, to think about thinking, to pull threads and weave my own tapestry of thoughts it all falls apart.
It's made me see scaffolding, the educational term used to describe supporting learners, in a new way. Made me appreciate scaffolding not just for incorporating new knowledge in existing constructs, but in retrieving that information once again when needed. All of which is great for instruction… but I can't quite figure out how to leverage scaffolding for myself. How do I build my own scaffolding so that I can pursue my professional interests? How do I build a community that provides the scaffolding that I cannot make for myself? Where are the people, the places that I must find so that I can practice pacing myself with bits of insight supported among like-minded folks: critical pedagogs, philosophical instructional designers, unschooling and deschooling folks who yearn for an educational system different from what currently is?
I used to be part of a wonderful community on Twitter (way back when it *was* Twitter), that I enjoyed engaging with. We had conversations, we shared information and thoughts, we challenged each other. And none of it felt like shouting into the void - like it does now. Unfortunately, I didn't know how to pace then, same as now, and it became too fast for me; too much to process and piece together without being overwhelmed. In my hiatus, Twitter fell out of use and the community all went their various ways. I was not there to witness it, and not there to migrate to wherever they might have gone. Now I don't know how to get that back.
I've often wondered how historic educators became so well known. How their philosophies become mainstays of education and even household names (at least among the schooling oriented folks). People like Bruner, Dewey, and Piaget, Montessori, Waldorf, Charlotte Mason. How I could possibly do the same.
Because if I can't think, or at least can't think alone, and I can't find community to propel me onwards… what do I do?
And the answer is honestly I don't know. I don't know how to be vulnerable and authentic and still build credibility and trustworthiness. I don't know how to be consistent, professional, capitalistic. I only know how to share myself as I am, and keep putting in the effort- one way or another- to help people have better lives.
So if you want to be there for me, so I can be there for you too, reach out to me. And if you can tell me how you found your community, or a way to scaffold yourself, please let me know. How do you do this?